As a coach, I work with accomplished career women over 50. They have impressive resumes with years of achievements, recognitions, career advancements. But I’m not a career coach helping them get their next promotion. I’m a spiritual & creativity coach. So why do they work with me?
Because at some point they hit an existential wall during menopause and started questioning the work they do, their life purpose, their legacy, their own identity and self-worth. The common question they all experience is “Who am I and why am I doing all this work that no longer fulfills me?” They’re feeling called to do something more meaningful, usually creative, but they can’t figure out what it is.
Self-Doubt Stops You
Have you experienced this during your 50’s? Maybe you feel disconnected from yourself and lose self-confidence. It’s a loop you get stuck in and self-doubt takes over. Maybe you start feeling regret about not living to your highest potential and scared that you might not be able to get unstuck on your own. That’s when my clients usually find me. These are some of the strategies I use when coaching midlife women.
Follow These Steps if Self-Doubt is Stopping You
Identify the limiting beliefs around menopause and aging that cause self-doubt.
There are a lot of false, limiting beliefs women start to experience while going through menopause. The first big one is that menopause is the beginning of the end. The end of your body’s life-giving purpose, the end of your vitality, energy, charisma, sexuality, lifeforce. Whether it’s conscious or unconscious, these beliefs manifest themselves through thoughts like I’m too old for that, I feel invisible, I don’t have the energy anymore, There’s not enough time for that, I can’t learn to do something new, It’s too late to change careers or start a business or write a book, etc. You get the idea. There’s a symphony of self-talk that zaps your confidence and courage while reinforcing your fears and keeping you playing small. Your inner critic is large and in charge.
Change your self-talk with positive affirmations to stop self-doubt.
I’m a huge believer in using positive affirmations to create change in your life. Some people think affirmations are woo woo, but the reality is that all those statements above that were limiting beliefs are also affirmations! They’re the things you are affirming to yourself on a regular basis. You use affirmations all the time, it’s just that too often they are negative affirmations.
So the next step to overcome self-doubt is to identify the limiting beliefs you are playing in your head and intentionally create positive affirming statements that you know are true. For example:
I’m too old to write a book. Is that true? No. What evidence do you have to prove that it’s not true? Tolkien didn’t publish until he was 45!! Annie Proulx was 57. So reframe the thought to Annie Proulx published her first book at 57 and so can I. Or I have the wisdom and talent to write a book right now.
Make a list of the negative thoughts you keep telling yourself and start looking for evidence that they are not true. This article is great inspiration for the accomplishments of women over 50!
Rediscover and reconnect to your desires. Find what lights you up!
When you can get inspired to follow your passions, it’s easier to overcome your fear and self-doubt. The problem for many women who feel stuck is that they no longer even know what they are passionate about. I used to do Desire Map workshops. It’s no surprise that so many midlife women feel disconnected from their desires! They’ve spent most of their adult lives focusing on their career and families with very little time for themselves. The Desire Map process is a great way to tap into your feelings and reconnect with what’s really important to you.
Journaling prompts is another great way to reconnect with what brings you joy.
Get support. Surround yourself with vibrant, energized women!
When you’re stuck, you usually can’t see the way out on your own. I know I can’t. I had spiritual coaches when I was struggling through menopause, business coaches to help launch this practice, and writing coaches to publish books. There are so many options for support now, with online programs that are convenient and affordable.
Minimize relationships that bring negativity. If you’re going to practice reframing your negative self-talk, don’t surround yourself with people who just want to complain.
Find books that are inspiring. Subscribe to YouTube channels or podcasts that are uplifting and that highlight stories about women over 50 living vibrant lives.
Overcome Self-Doubt to Follow Your Dreams
Following these steps will put you on a path of action. Once you break the cycle of limiting beliefs and tap into your desires to figure out what you really want to do, create a list of affirmations describing what it feels like to be living your regret-free, purposeful life. And surround yourself with cheerleaders!